After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
