it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
