You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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