I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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