i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
