You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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