i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
