In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
sex in a hospital.. check
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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