i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
