you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
True strength comes from lack of pants
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
