how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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