"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
