I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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