I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you inspire me to be a worse person
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
