I want to have your abortion
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
