My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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