I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
