he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
