you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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