The maid of honor just puked.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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