I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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