im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
