dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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