is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
