I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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