So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We have started to decorate penises.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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