Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
