whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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