Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
