Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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