Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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