I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
