The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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