You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
