i already hear my dad disowning me
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
