i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
