why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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