i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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