I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
