No more Irish car bombs ever.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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