I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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