Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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