dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
