We won't sleep together?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
