i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
