Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
