you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
