Please, let me fuck your mom
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
