Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
