I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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