There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
